Andy Borowitz: Twitter Investigation Reveals Keyboard Was Clogged with Chocolate Pudding

The attempt to live-stream Ron DeSantis’s announcement of his White House bid on Twitter encountered difficulties because a computer keyboard involved in the transmission became clogged with chocolate pudding, a preliminary company investigation has determined.

Tracy Klugian, who heads up the digital-forensics team for the social-media platform, said that the broadcast had been glitchy not because of excessive traffic, as originally claimed, but because of “technical problems that appear to be chocolate-pudding related.”

“We’re not sure how, but chocolate pudding seems to have seeped into one of the keyboards,” he said. “It’s really gross.”

Klugian said that, even though the company has got to the bottom of the technical problem, the manner in which chocolate pudding came into contact with the keyboard remains a mystery.

“It’s almost as if someone ate chocolate pudding with his or her fingers,” he continued. “Who does that?” https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report 

Far-right members, unhappy with debt deal, float threatening McCarthy's speakership

On a House Freedom Caucus call Monday night, Rep. Ken Buck, R-Colo., floated using the motion to vacate, a rule that would allow any member of Congress to force a vote to remove the speaker, two sources familiar with the call told NBC News.

After House Freedom Caucus Chairman Scott Perry (R-PA) suggested it might be too early for such a drastic threat, Rep. Paul Gosar (R-AZ) proposed using the threat to force McCarthy to allow members to amend the bill on the House floor, under an ‘open rule’ that could stall the bill’s passage.

Nearly a dozen House Freedom Caucus members slammed the debt ceiling bill in a press conference Tuesday and vowed to vote no, but when asked how many of their members would support a motion to vacate, only Rep. Dan Bishop, R-N.C., raised his hand. https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/far-right-members-unhappy-debt-deal-float-threatening-mccarthys-speake-rcna86797

GOP Polling Memo Finds Big Swing to Democrats

A Republican polling memo obtained by Roll Call finds “the generic ballot has shifted toward Democrats, with Republicans losing ground among independents on the abortion issue.”

The memo found “a 6 point swing in the last year on the Generic Senate ballot from R+3 to D+3” led overwhelmingly “by independent and new voters that identify abortion as one of their top issues.”

The poll had similar findings on the House side with “a 10 point swing in the last year on the Generic House Ballot from R+6 to D+4.” https://rollcall.com/2023/05/24/left-behind-polling-memo-shows-abortion-hurting-outlook-for-gop/
 

Ron DeSantis Signs Bill Shielding Elon Musk’s SpaceX From Lawsuits

Twenty-four hours after appearing with Elon Musk to announce his campaign for president, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis just signed a bill into law that will shield Musk's SpaceX and other private space companies from negligence lawsuits after an explosion or a crash. https://twitter.com/Jason_Garcia/status/1661882018269937668

Denouncing ‘Elites’ in Kickoff Speech, DeSantis Vows to ‘Impose Our Will’

Gov. Ron DeSantis of Florida kicked off his presidential campaign in Iowa on Tuesday with a sweeping denunciation of the “elites” that he said dominated American institutions, pitching himself as an unrepentant fighter who could reverse a tide of progressivism in boardrooms, the government and the military.

“We must choose a path that will lead to a revival of American greatness,” Mr. DeSantis told supporters at an evangelical church in the suburbs of Des Moines.

In a strident speech, he painted a dark picture of America, saying he would be a salve to a “malignant ideology” that was taking hold across the nation. He described children facing “indoctrination.” He mocked transgender athletes, denounced the “woke Olympics” of diversity programs and reveled in his battle with Disney.

“It is time we impose our will on Washington, D.C.,” Mr. DeSantis said. “And you can’t do any of this if you don’t win.” https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/30/us/politics/desantis-iowa.html
 

Florida elections officials quietly made it easier for Ron DeSantis to fund his 2024 bid

Gov. Ron DeSantis’ administration has quietly changed state guidelines, essentially giving its blessing for a state-level political committee he previously ran to move millions of dollars to a super PAC helping his presidential campaign.

For years, elections officials said such a transfer to federal super PACs would not be allowed. But in March — just months before DeSantis formally launched his bid for president — officials at the Florida State Department, the DeSantis administration entity that regulates state elections, changed its handbook to assert that such moves are allowed.

The timing is notable because a state-level political committee DeSantis led for the past five years, known as Friends of Ron DeSantis, is widely expected to transfer $80 million to a federal super PAC called Never Back Down that is supporting his just-launched bid for president. https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2024-election/florida-made-easier-ron-desantis-fund-2024-bid-rcna86899

GOP Oversight chair to launch contempt proceedings against FBI director

House Oversight and Accountability Chairman James Comer (R-Ky.) said Tuesday he plans to bring contempt of Congress proceedings against FBI Director Christopher Wray after the FBI refused to comply with a subpoena from the committee.

Comer issued a subpoena earlier this month compelling Wray to produce any FD-1023 forms — records of interactions with confidential sources — from June 2020 that contain the word “Biden.” https://thehill.com/homenews/house/4026864-gop-oversight-chair-to-launch-contempt-proceedings-against-fbi-director/
   

Biden Accuser Moves to Russia

Tara Reade, the woman who accused President Joe Biden of sexual assault, has moved to Russia, she announced Tuesday in a Twitter live stream.

Reade leveled the accusations against Biden in March 2020, saying the now-president assaulted her in 1993 in a Capitol Hill office when she was a staff assistant. Biden denied the allegation.

Reade made the announcement about her move from Russia, joined by Maria Butina, a Russian-born woman who pleaded guilty in the U.S. in December 2018 of spying for the Kremlin. In the Tuesday press conference, Reade thanked Russian President Vladimir Putin for giving her citizenship. https://themessenger.com/news/tara-reade-who-accused-biden-of-sexual-assault-moves-to-russia

Ex-Trump White House official Peter Navarro to go on trial in September in Jan. 6 contempt case

Former Trump White House official Peter Navarro will stand trial in September on contempt of Congress charges filed after he refused to cooperate with a congressional investigation into the Jan. 6 attack on the U.S. Capitol.

U.S. District Judge Amit Mehta set a Sept. 5 trial date during a court appearance on Tuesday in Washington. https://apnews.com/article/navarro-trump-white-house-contempt-jan-6-c0217332f2ed3282b0a15b94a63648d2

‘Trump Bucks’ promise wealth for MAGA loyalty. Some lose thousands.

In the recesses of the internet where some of Donald Trump’s most fervent supporters stoke conspiracies and plot his return to the White House, suspected con artists have been mining their disappointment over the last presidential election for gold.

They’ve been peddling “Trump Bucks,” which are emblazoned with photos of the former president, and advertising them online as a kind of golden ticket that will help propel Trump’s 2024 bid and make the “real patriots” who support him rich when cashed in. https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/trump-bucks-promise-wealth-maga-loyalty-lose-thousands-rcna84965

How Republicans turned on the FBI

Former President Donald Trump wants to “defund” the FBI and Department of Justice.

Republicans, alleging the FBI and DOJ have been weaponized against them, have held hearings featuring disgruntled former agents and are also gaming out ways to restrict funding for the federal law enforcement agency.

Now Ron DeSantis, the Florida governor who is running for president, has pledged to fire the FBI director on his first day in office.

Forget for a moment that FBI Director Christopher Wray, along with most confirmed directors since J. Edgar Hoover, is a Republican. https://www.cnn.com/2023/05/25/politics/republicans-fbi-what-matters/index.html
 

Biden circle seeks to boost Harris ahead of 2024

Anita Dunn, one of Biden’s closest key political strategists, has recently focused more on Harris’ schedule and public events… Dunn recently directed the White House public engagement and political teams to help schedule events with Harris, having her promote popular causes like abortion rights and infrastructure spending.”

In the three-minute video announcing Biden’s reelection, Harris is featured more than a dozen times, depicted as an engaged leader and Biden’s indispensable partner. On Saturday, she became the first woman to serve as commencement speaker in the 221-year history of the U.S. Military Academy, putting her in a politically resonant setting.

The moves reflect the fact that Biden’s fate is entwined with Harris’s in a newly direct way, since his reelection may depend on persuading Americans that she is qualified to step in. Biden would be 86 at the end of a second term, a fact that has not gone unnoticed by voters, let alone Republican adversaries. Meanwhile, Harris’s approval ratings have hovered below 50 percent, and consistently below Biden’s, her entire tenure. https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2023/05/28/biden-team-seeks-to-boost-kamala-harris-image-ahead-of-reelection-battle/

Ron DeSantis administration officials solicit campaign cash from lobbyists

Officials who work for Gov. Ron DeSantis' administration — not his campaign — have been sending text messages to Florida lobbyists soliciting political contributions for DeSantis' presidential bid, a breach of traditional norms that has raised ethical and legal questions and left many here in the state capital shocked.

NBC News reviewed text messages from four DeSantis administration officials, including those directly in the governor's office and with leadership positions in state agencies. They requested the recipient of the message contribute to the governor’s campaign through a specific link that appeared to track who is giving as part of a “bundle” program.

“The bottom line is that the administration appears to be keeping tabs on who is giving, and are doing it using state staff,” a longtime Florida lobbyist said. “You are in a prisoner’s dilemma. They are going to remain in power. We all understand that.” https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2024-election/ron-desantis-administration-officials-solicit-campaign-cash-lobbyists-rcna86357

Chris Christie Expected to Launch Campaign Soon

Christie is expected to announce a campaign as soon as the coming days after concluding that none of the other Republicans in the race are willing to take on Trump forcefully… He and his allies have concluded that there are no ‘lanes’ in the Republican primary, and that the only way to win is ‘through Trump,’ not around him. https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2023/05/26/our-guide-nascent-republican-presidential-primary/

Twitter Staff Cuts Marred DeSantis Launch

Perhaps the most important thing to know about Spaces’ technical problems: over the past several months Musk cut the Spaces team, which once numbered as many as 100 employees, down to roughly three people.

For months now, the Spaces team has been operating without most of the institutional knowledge it accumulated since Twitter added live audio conversations in 2021 to compete with then-hot Clubhouse. https://www.platformer.news/p/inside-twitters-failed-space-launch

DeSantis Would Consider Pardoning Capitol Rioters

Gov. Ron DeSantis said Thursday that, if elected president, he would consider pardoning some of those convicted on charges related to the deadly Jan. 6, 2021, insurrection at the U.S. Capitol. https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2023/05/25/desantis-jan-6-attack-trump/
 

Six in 10 Republicans still think 2020 was illegitimate

In CNN’s newest poll, released on Wednesday, the percentage of Republicans saying the election was illegitimate fell from 71 percent in January 2021 to … 63 percent. The percentage saying that Biden won fairly rose from 22 percent to 36 percent.

An equivalent 36 percent still thinks there’s solid evidence the election wasn’t legitimate. https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2023/05/24/6-10-republicans-still-think-2020-was-illegitimate/

7 in 10 independents concerned about Biden’s mental fitness

A new NPR/PBS News Hour/Marist poll found that 69% of registered independent voters said President Biden’s mental fitness is a real concern about his ability to be president, while 27% believe questioning Biden’s mental fitness is just a campaign strategy used by his opponents. https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4018939-7-in-10-independents-concerned-about-bidens-mental-fitness-survey/

Georgia GOP Chair Says the Earth Is Flat

Kandiss Taylor, a recently elected Republican district chair in Georgia, told the Jesus, Guns, and Babies podcast that Earth is flat.

Said Taylor: “All the globes, everywhere. I turn on the TV, there’s globes in the background… Everywhere there’s globes. You see them all the time, it’s constant. My children will be like ‘Mama, globe, globe, globe, globe’ — they’re everywhere.”

She added: “That’s what they do, to brainwash. For me if it’s not a conspiracy. If it is real, why are you pushing so hard everywhere I go? Every store, you buy a globe, there’s globes everywhere. Every movie, every TV show, news media — why? More and more I’m like, it doesn’t make sense.” https://twitter.com/RightWingWatch/status/1660677910959730688

Supreme Court Limits E.P.A.’s Power to Address Water Pollution

  The Supreme Court on Thursday curtailed the Environmental Protection Agency’s authority to police water pollution, ruling that the Clean Water Act does not allow the agency to regulate discharges into some wetlands near bodies of water. https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/25/us/supreme-court-epa-water-pollution.html

The legislative text for a bill to raise the country’s debt ceiling to avoid a default by early June.
https://thehill.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2023/05/BILLS-118hrPIH-fiscalresponsibility.pd

THE DAILY GRILL

“One thing Hakeem told me: there’s nothing in the bill for them. There’s not one thing in the bill for Democrats.” — Speaker Kevin McCarthy (R-CA). https://twitter.com/atrupar/status/1662833329102569474

VERSUS

“I have no idea what he’s talking about, particularly because I have not been able to review the actual legislative text. … I talked to him yesterday afternoon … I haven’t spoken to him since that point and time.” — House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY). https://twitter.com/atrupar/status/1662833329102569474



Elmer Stewart Rhodes III,  leader of the Oath Keepers told the court that his only crime was standing against those who are “destroying our country.” He says he believes he is a “political prisoner” and that he hopes Trump will win the presidency in 2024. https://heathercoxrichardson.substack.com/p/may-25-2023

VERSUS

“You are not a political prisoner, Mr. Rhodes. You, sir, present an ongoing threat and a peril to this country and to the republic and to the very fabric of this democracy.” — U.S. District Judge Amit Mehta today sentenced Rhodes to 18 years in prison. https://heathercoxrichardson.substack.com/p/may-25-2023